It might seem weird that we are tying to get enough write in votes to make a basketball Hall of Famer the next President of the United States of America.


Well, consider this: Our choices in 2008 come down to a guy who has the personality of dry oatmeal; who is more likely to break his hip than to be hip; who served our nation ably and defended our right to be free, but won't close the damn border so that every lowlife in the world can't just walk in here;


Versus...


A guy who thinks he is the second coming of Jesus H. Christ, if JHC were a Communist; who is a Senator from one of the more influential states, but has only shown up for work roughly 130 times in four years; who thinks the way to make America more prosperous is to make the people who actually make money poorer; and who wrote in his autobiography that white people have caused all of the problems in his life.


Let's be real here, Rick Barry is a much better option than McCain or Obama. With Congress being such a royal cluster-f, nothing really revolutionary will be happening, anyway. So, without further ado, here's what we can expect from Mr. Barry if he were to become the leader of the free world, with repect to issues that we hear attractive people on cable television tell us are of immense importance.



National Defense

At the present time, Muslims are trying to wipe everyone who is sane off of the face of the earth. Not all Muslims, mind you (I don't think Obama wants to do that...I'm kidding, he's not a Muslim...at least he isn't, as far as Hillary Clinton and I know), but a pretty large chunk of them. That's why, of course, we are fighting wars over in the Middle East.


Now, in Rick Barry's playing days, defense meant reaching for his man as he was driving by. But, let's not forget that Rick was a tremendous "team defender". Lord knows, Rick tells his radio audience about that every day. Apply that to the USA of today, and it means we will let some of our enemies slide by sometimes, just to be crushed by the likes of Canada, the Phillippines, and Guam. Much like Nate Thurmond, Phil Smith, and every other Warrior were always picking up Rick's man on the way to the hoop. This approach will appeal to everyone from the far right to the far left. The right will like it because Rick will have no reservations in letting the Guamians use our daisy cutters and nukes to wipe out entire Middle Eastern countries. The left, meanwhile, will think it's groovy that America isn't out there actively kicking everyone's ass while taking names. It's a win-win for everyone, even our friends due north in America's Hat.



The Environment

Rick is all for letting things grow and replenishing the things that can't or won't grow. In the days of short shorts, Rick was out there with medium length straight hair parted on the side and flopping around while he was running around screen after screen. Later in life, when that hair wouldn't grow anymore, Rick had zero qualms about getting hair plugs from Dr. Rosinelli. Why go without a great resource like hair when someone can do surgery to make it look like your still have a full head of it. Rick feels the same way about trees. If we don't have enough real ones, what's the harm in putting a few fake ones out there.


As for the impact of drilling for oil, who cares about some moose...everyone loves low gas prices. Especially when you can afford to drive a big SUV. If you feel guilty about driving a gas guzzler, fork over the $40,000 for a Prius and be rewarded by drving in the carpool lane all by yourself, loser.



The Economy

This is one of Rick's specialties. The man was smart enough to spurn the NBA to make more money in the ABA. When the ABA folded, he was one of its biggest stars and scored big in the wallet with the NBA merger. The bottom line is this, the man makes good choices. Good choices are what make people prosperous enough to be able to eat and live in a place with an actual roof...without 20 other people living there too (unless you're the zealous, to say the least, Duggan family of Arkansas, who are choosing to create enough people naturally to have 20 under the same roof).


As far as trade goes, Rick knows a good trade when he sees one. There is no way in the world he would have traded his son, Jon, from the Kings to the Pistons prior to the 2001-2002 season. Jon wouldn't have been out there in Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals shooting airballs. Similarly, Rick won't be accepting tons of junk and lead based toys from China when all we're sending them is useful stuff like food and money. If they give us crap, they'll get crap in return, like The Clapper, Chia Pets, Maytag appliances, and Barry Zito.



Change

Washington, D.C. is messed up. There is no evidence to the contrary. We have people running our country who are professional politicians and know nothing about what it's like to be normal. To work toward a common goal. To work as a team, even if you don't like all of your teammates. To lose a job. To have to work with a dimwit like Rod Brooks. Rick is normal and has been through all of this.


Rick led the Warriors to a monumental upset over the Bullets in the 1975 NBA Finals. His was a team that got closer as the season progressed, and gelled just in time to steamroll through the playoffs. His leadership wasn't always appreciated by his teammates (once, while Rick was with the Rockets, a hypnotist was brought in to help the team through a rough patch...the players were told to close their eyes, find a happy place, and to stay there when they opened their eyes back up...Billy Paultz, after opening his eyes commented, "This crap doesn't work, Rick's still here.")


You see, not everyone likes the leader. But, Rick doesn't care. He's used to being responsible for positive results while being hated by the people he works with. Just like the President! He also knows when to cut bait on lost causes. Once, while coaching in the USBL, he knew it would be best to fold his team that was something like 4-23. If you have guys who are that bad, measurable improvement probably isn't in your future. Rick knows when it's time to quit and isn't afraid fold up tent and walk away.


He also knows that you can't always get what you want, like an NBA head coaching job. He also knows that if you rile enough people up, though, you can make life miserable for people that get the things you wish you had. Rick wasn't beyond dogging Eric Mussleman when he was the coach of the Warriors, going so far as to enter the locker room and get Danny Fortson to the brink of fighting the little man.


And, since he's not your typical establishment insider, Rick isn't fooled into thinking the guys working under the Capitol dome are some special group of savants saving the world on a daily basis. He knows they're just a group of really rich guys (and gals) who can afford to buy their seats in our national government. Rick can spot a phony or an idiot way better than most Americans. He got plenty of practice with this while working at KNBR with the likes of Rod Brooks and his miniature side-kick, Bob Fitzgerald. Rick will not be afraid at all to tell our Senators and Representatives just how stupid they are, and how much thy are f-ing up our country on a daily basis. We have 535 Eric Musselmans making the laws that we all live by, and our country is turning into the Golden State Warriors, circa 2003. It's time to get rid of these blowhards, or to at least give them the tounge lashings they deserve. A few beat downs from Danny Fortson wouldn't hurt, either.


Now, it's almost impossible to touch on every single issue that affects America on a daily basis, but the information above should be enough to show just how much better America would be if #24 were in the Oval Office every day. America needs Rick Barry, and Rick Barry needs a job where he can tell everyone what to do. And, don't think he's afraid of the media. Did you hear about the time....


Rick Barry in '08...it's what's best for America.