Making the Case

In the words of near-candidate Hillary Clinton: "No way. No how. No one but Rick."

At least that's what I think she was trying to say in her stirring speech at the DNC. The last week has provided plenty of fodder in our bid to get enough Americans to steer clear of the current political machine. This is the perfect opportunity for an alternative candidate to make a big splash and actually make a serious bid to take residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

While my co-campaign manager laid out a pretty good case for 24 to take office based on the issues, my priority is helping to constrast him with the other candidates and put together an effective PR blitz to put Rick on the map.

Our first step is to come up with a catchy campaign slogan. Since Hillary ran through just about everything that could possibly serve as a campaign slogan, our options are limited. We obviously have to steer clear of "Hope", "Change", "Country First", "She Looks Like a Naughty Librarian" or anything referring to a "Maverick".

That puts us in a bit of a difficult spot. Looking at what Rick brings to the table, we have an uncanny ability to make the big shot, an aversion to defense that accentuates his offense, the fact that he was a Warrior (which at the time was infinitely better than being a Maverick), and - this is a big AND - he is never wrong. He is always, always right.

Add to all that the fact that he is not afraid to alienate even those closest to him - his family - to maintain his righteousness (or is it rightness?) and you can say that he has strong convictions.

So what do we pull from that? Hmm...

"Rick is Right" - Sounds a little too conservative.

"Bringing Washington a Shot in the Arm." - Too doctory.

"Righteous Convictions at the Right Time." - Uh, that could pass for a Marion Berry campaign theme.

"The Warrior Washington is Waiting For." - Ahhhh. Just right.

This positions him as a fighter. And a fighter that is needed at this time in history. While many NBA teams - and CBA, WBL and D-League teams for that matter - have passed him over, his time to lead has come. Vacancies in the coaching ranks were one thing, but this is much more important. This is a vacancy in the White House.

We are fast at work on the first of his campaign ads. It goes a little something like this:

"John McCain calls himself a Maverick." (footage of McCain attempting to raise his arms above his shoulders)

"And while his record as a Senator may rank among the best on the Hill, there's a number 8 seed ready to take him on." (footage of Matt Barnes dunking over the entire Maverick front line)

"Sometimes a great regular season record can be decieving." (footage of Mark Cuban whining)

"Washington needs someone who can hit the big shot. Who's not afraid to be on the right side of every issue. Who is ready to score from anywhere, anytime." (montage of Rick)

"The regular season is for chumps. It's time Washington found its champ. This November, write in Rick Barry for President. He is the Warrior that Washington is Waiting For." (footage of Rick mugging for the camera)

"I am Rick Barry and I support this ad."